Driven

Dear Eugene,

Nothing drives us.  No thing drives us.

Of course the one who does the driving is never a What but a Who.  How can it be otherwise?

This is no high philosophy or mere play on words.  A child can see that but most of us have effectively chased away the child.

"What drives you?"  Again that's the question.  Career?  Ambition?  A will to survive?  Lust for life?

The one who does the driving is never a What; I feel silly to state something so obvious.  To say our life is fueled by, for example, ambition is to say a car is driven by gasoline, maybe the law of physics, maybe even human ingenuity.

No.  A car is driven by a Creator who purposes the car's moving to achieve an end meaningful to the Creator.  If the Creator finds no reason to move, no meaning to go from A to B, there would have never been a car, not even the idea of giving something a "drive."  The Creator is driven; the drivenness in the Creator makes the car move.

The one who drives is always a Who.

Some might think this is a cunning way to sneak God in through the backdoor.  No, not there yet.  If a person ever gets there, he knows he is there willingly, but arduously, and likely joyfully.

But no, let's forget about God--as if we can--and ask the Child to come back for a moment.

Are we going around in circle?  If the one who does the driving is indeed a Who, then who is this Who?

We know the Who is not a human being that we can point our finger at.

Can I point at myself and say, "Alex drives Alex."  That has to be the silliest thing Alex can say.  And the consequence is dire.  I see suicide as the only option for Alex, because he is bound to wake up one morning and see no reason to be driven.

How about a different Who, an Other?  A friend, a lover, a person who deserves our worship?  Yet we all know, deep down, that there is no "one and only love" that we can devote our life to.  Everything dies, even if we so want it not to, even if it so wants to be there for us always.

An adult can see the "science" and "philosophy" behind the withering of a flower, the death of a pet dog, even the loss of a favorite toy, but a child would insist and protest that none of these are "meant to be."  A child would ask for magic, for the help of a fairy, for a miracle--with no shame, but eager anticipation.

A child prays: Any minute now...

A child is driven to her knees by trusting flowers are purposed to flourish, her dog is meant to be a lifelong friend, and to have her favorite toy to cherish forever is not about possessing but belonging, something lasting, made for eternity.

A child is driven.  Driven to her knees, driven to tears, driven to faith love and hope, for she trusts there is a meaning behind things and the meaning is good.  She might not know Who means it, but she lives into that meaning with devotion true and pure.  You call her silly and she grins at you, takes no offense.

How can it be otherwise? her smile asks.  Asks the world.

Last Saturday I went hiking with a group of friend and it's the first time in a long while I was able to convince my son to come along.  On our way back to the parking lot he finally couldn't take it and complained, "I don't know why anyone wants to do this, walking and walking...All trees!  And they all look the same!"

He has yet to find his lost child in the woods.

Yours, Alex