Now, Here


Dear Eugene,

Today I want to live differently.  I want to see new things.  I don't want to presume what I think is going to happen is going to happen.  After all each morning is resurrection time.

Surely the surest sign of Godlessness is ungratefulness, a grumbling spirit.  To take things for granted and expect God to do nothing new in the here and now of his world is to say Jesus I know where you are and I won't be there with you.  We might want to excuse ourselves and say we don't know where Jesus is, but that cannot be true.  All we have to do is to turn around and go against even oh-so-slightly our natural path and something new is bound to break through.  Repent.  But we don't want to do that and we have our good reasons.  Not today anyway.  Tuesday's all filled, busiest of the week, like every other day.  Grumbling.

This morning walking up the hill I was praying to God and ended up talking to my dog.  I tried to tell her what is going to happen today.  That sometimes I wished 5:30 to 7 in the morning would go by fast enough so that I can sit down to write to Eugene before my first good thoughts turned mushy.  And then read.  First something scholarly, then something pedagogical, then fiction, then poetry.  That most ideally I would have time to wrap my way back to something scholarly.  That I would love to have more time and space to refine my writing.  That I am mostly not happy with how far I can go with my pen but just don't have the chance to do that.  Soon enough I will be working.  Sound is going to come out of my vocal cord but I won't know how.  I will try my best to serve people but many people have been serving me day and night to enable and empower my serving; so it's up to me to choose to do good but many good choices have already been made on my behalf.  I have two monitors and about twenty windows opening up themselves to me so that I can open up myself to the world I serve.  If only one of the windows were to shut itself up you will hear the twitch in my vocal cord...

Now
Here
Is
Today

Yours, Alex

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