Frankly, I Hope


Dear Eugene,

Whenever I thought about what happened last summer and the public lynching that was done to you and lingers on still, bile rose from where bile sat in me and I was ready to pull a sword on your arresters.  I am ready even now.

You really didn't need to give that interview.  Not when you were 84 and had a massive legacy to lose by making one wrong move, one needless mistake.  Not when you were 48 and had a massive amount of asses to kiss to keep your spot in the holy of holies.  You allowed your interiority to spill open, a most tender part of you that is reserved for Jesus but Jesus asked you to open that up too and let the world do what they have always intended to do and shall do often without blinking, to vandalize, to smear, to kill kill kill kill.

Carry that damned thing to your grave, they said.  I'll be damned if I do, you answered.

"The people of a congregation are not abstractions, they are people, and a pastor does a disservice to the people in his care when he indulges in treating them as abstractions."  I wonder how many of your friends and "friends of Jesus" would have no problem quoting this line of yours as if not only they agree with but probably have the sense and sensibility to have discovered it on their own.  They align themselves with your "position" when you are a nice senile Santa Claus ready to kick the bucket.  They won't lynch their "friends" for not feeding the poor, not caring for the widows, not giving a damn about God's creation in pretty much every decision we make.  They have in hand a noose of a very queer size but it always fits wherever they try to fit it.  Abstractions are very malleable.

"I’ve never performed a same-sex wedding. I’ve never been asked and, frankly, I hope I never am asked."  Do you know this is a line that I've been meditating on ever since you spoke it?

I’ve never faced down a man with a machete coming for me and my family. I’ve never been asked to love an enemy like that the moment before my skull struck open and, frankly, I hope I never am asked.  I’ve also never been in a war or famine or hit by a drunk driver or have an amputation or my retirement fund emptied by fraudster. I’ve never been asked to trust in God when something like these happens to me and, frankly, I hope I never am asked.  I've never been at the end of my rope, and, frankly, I don't even want to imagine the kind of disgrace I will be when that happens.  I have never desired another man in a sexual way, and, frankly...

This morning coming down the hill again in darkness I turned to my dog Sumi and said, You know, if you are finally skinned by coyote it's probably not inappropriate...

 Thank you pastor.  No one should be this angry.  Sometimes I am.  And I know sometimes you are.

Jesus knows.

Yours, Alex

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