Known Secret


Dear Eugene,

Yesterday I walked aimlessly and dictated to my phone my aimless thoughts:

I always find it interesting I should be given this freedom this Freedom so tentative and fragile as if it will be taken away any time without notice since it was given me with no reason it wouldn't be improper for it to be taken away for no reasons too sometimes when I walk on the street I wonder why  there is no one coming up to me and strike me in the head since no one made no promise to me that I should not be struck in the head  I couldn't say it is a totally unexpected turn of event if it happens I really see no reason why someone should not just come and take things away from me or that I should find the strengthen and will and necessity to not let that happen I walk to a library knowing that today is a holiday and that it is not open but who says something new could not happen new things happen if I cannot stop bad things from happening with my suspension of disbelief then I certainly cannot stop good things from happening by my habit of unbelief now there is a ball in the ball field in a ball field that carries bad memories for me I'm going to go into the field and I will kick the ball like there is no context to my kicking there was a man walking on a path parallel to mine it was just a narrow strip of grass turf between him and me I cut across the turf to meet him on his path follow behind him but not too closely still he turned around and thought I was up to something he had a purpose he was going somewhere but I here have no direction no purpose just simply walking simply cutting across the little turf simply following behind him not too closely but purposelessly how many meaningless Christmas can a person endure how deep a disappointment can one pretend to have met honestly without naming it you say you once were blind but now you can see Now can you say and acknowledge you might go blind again Can your admit the possibility of staying blind or you were mistaken and you have never seen at all not a day not for once now I am going to eat not because I need to and I'm going to eat something that everybody would have a common picture in their head if I am to name it and people are to hear the naming my need is a known secret

  Yours, Alex

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 7, 2018 at 8:47 PM

    Dear Eugene,

    This afternoon, I walked aimlessly in the labyrinth of a palace & dictated through my iPhone camera my aimless thoughts:

    I always find it interesting to wander among legions of visitors while taking photos without raising questions which could distort the mood of a vacation the corridors & chambers are gilded in significant royal context insignificant to my camera lens angled at my daughter upon her request to shoot & retake with this lighting to preserve the flash of palatial beauty this Beauty so tentative & fragile as if it will be taken away any time without notice in the Halls of Mirror I wonder why the euphoria of crowds lingers on chandeliers with individual crystals losing luster under ceilings of mythical characters in dysphoria along walls & doors the cracks snake through paint & time to tell sad stories untold in audio or written guides for tourists in the queens chamber my camera turns to an old piano & harp soundless & loveless for centuries in this romantized castle the illusion of happiness in opulence disillusions people dying to live happily with a common image in their head if I am to name this image and people are to hear the naming will you understand my need is a known secret

    Yours, Kate





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