Dreaming

Dear Eugene,

Today is Canada Day, a very special one.  When the next very special Canada Day comes I shall be no more.

Today every Canadian wants to find his/her own little story in the big story of Canada, claiming that our own little piece can only find its true meaning within the big picture that goes way before us and shall hopefully continue to unveil after us.

There is talk of injustice and reconciliation, steps we must trace back to find today's footing, to find a way forward--to find a way out.

But are we just chanting idealistic slogans?

We are told that we need to find ourselves, and that's the meaning of life, the grand narrative to make sense of it all.  I love literature and so do you.  We know how the idea of how there really is only one story to tell and that is a person's search for himself seems so naturally valid that we don't even know we have picked our assumption but there could be more than one.

What other assumption could there be?  Well, in the last few days we've been listening to it being articulated in a million different ways: To find ourselves we must somehow lose ourselves, that our search for our selfhood is a slow and arduous journey of dying to ourselves.

How can it not be?  If I say I am a Canadian, it must mean I am willing to give up some of my personal desires to identify with some values and actions that I would resist if I am given the choice.  If there has been a legacy of injustice in our collective history, "finding myself" must somehow mean I'll need to know and carry the burden of our past.  If a way to move forward, possible reconciliation, has to do with redressing past wrongs, then giving up what this self holds onto has to be part of it.

What does this self hold onto?  If a piece of land was taken away unjustly, by force, could it mean it has to be given back?  If what used to be clean is made dirty along our path of searching for ourselves, could it mean we will need to die to our way of living to truly find ourselves?

But who would do that?  Who could do that?  After the celebration we will plunge right back into the "real" story: everyone for himself.  We walk out of the church door and there is God no more.  What's for dinner?  Are you going away this summer?  I'll need to post that selfie I've taken at Canada Place this morning.

It was a good dream but a dream after all.

Yours, a dreaming Canadian, Alex

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