Used

Dear Eugene,

I feel too weary to write, but still I shall.

You've written much about this, how when we use things and people for the usefulness we find in them, it is an act of desecration, dishonoring the very God who is the creator of all things and people, the Christ who fills all in all.

This weekend I was talking to a lady who felt used by her manager, even though she could understand and even tried to be understanding about how her manager was in turn used by her superior who also has to answer to the demand of some higher-up nameless force.  A few hours before that conversation, a church lady called my cell (instead of sending a text, which is more courteous and discrete especially on a Sunday) and asked where my son was, only for me to realize later that she was really interested in the whereabouts of her own son and not mine.  The day before that when I was serving in the church café someone came up to me and made a demand in a manner even more ungracious than "gentiles"; later on when I was leaving the church parking lot I saw his big SUV occupying two spots.  Last night I talked to someone about a thoughtful movie director but she was so hung up on a certain movie of his which she does not like for some very narrow, particular reason that she couldn't hear a word I said; I suggested that there are times we should lay down our subjective feeling and see a thing for what it is, the same way we should no matter watching a movie or reading the Bible, and this Christian lady said she uses movie for entertainment and the Bible for something else...

Every act of using is a betrayal, deeper than an explicit act of selling-out or deception, because it is more hidden, ingrained, in our blood.  What is usable will inevitably become disposable after use, like paper cups, doubling or even tripling up if necessary to save our tender fingers.

Thank you for pastoring me all these years to learn how to deal with my disappointments and not give up, the way that Christ didn't give up on me.

Alex

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